Contact 🐿️👑
Booking inquiries, correspondence, and other matters of state.
Hovposten
The Court's Official Gazette — International Edition
By Royal Appointment 👑
(Booking inquiries and general questions for His Self-Appointed Majesty)
Due to overwhelming international demand for talks on pranayama, mahabandha, vipassana meditation and the general pursuit of inner (and world) peace, His Majesty's diary is regrettably full through several lifetimes. However — in the interest of fairness to Kingdoms great and small — a booking window may occasionally open.
To keep pricing equitable across nations (nobody wants an unfair king), the Royal Speaking Fee is set at a flat 1% of the host country's annual GDP, per engagement. This ensures Luxembourg and the United States are billed with equal proportional dignity.
Sample Quote — United States of America 🇺🇸
US nominal GDP (2026, IMF estimate): ≈ $32 trillion
Royal Fee (1%): ≈ $320 billion
(Payable in gold, silence, or 320 billion minutes of mindful breathing — His Majesty is flexible.)
| Nation | GDP | Royal Fee (1%) |
|---|---|---|
| India 🇮🇳 | ≈ $4.2T (नमस्ते) | ≈ $42B |
| China 🇨🇳 | ≈ $20.9T (你好) | ≈ $209B |
| Switzerland 🇨🇭 | ≈ $1.15T (quietly loaded since forever) | ≈ $11.5B |
| Bhutan 🇧🇹 | ≈ $3.9B (home of "Gross National Happiness") | ≈ $39M (roughly one royal helicopter) |
| A small but proud island nation | — | still not free, sorry |
Source: IMF estimates, nominal GDP 2026.
Booking an appearance? Fill in the event details below. Just have a general question instead? Skip straight to the message — name, email, country and message are all the Royal Household truly needs.
Terms & Conditions
This fee schedule is 100% satire and roughly 0% enforceable. The real fee for a talk is simply your full presence, an open mind, and a willingness to sit still and breathe for a while. For actual bookings, reach His Not-Actually-Royal Majesty at info@ekorrepartiet.se.
No countries, kings, or GDPs were harmed in the making of this page.